A Continuum of Options : Changing Attitudes Towards Marriage Among Young Women Today
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Authors
Ballard, Lindsay
Issue Date
2000
Type
Thesis
Language
en_US
Keywords
Alternative Title
Abstract
While studying overseas late last February, I received an unexpected phone
call from my sister, Becky. Four years my senior, Becky acts not only as a beloved
sister, but also as a mentor, therapist, comic relief, and best friend. Struggling with
culture shock and language barriers in a foreign country, the sound of my sister's
voice was music to my ears. What she told me, however, would cause me more
immediate distress than any of the troublesome experiences I might have in that
foreign culture.
"Last night Zack proposed to me. We're using Mom's diamond to make the
engagement ring, so he didn't have the ring in his hand, and he wasn't down on one
knee or anything but. .... We're thinking about sometime in July." Silence was the
only reaction greeting my sister's announcement. When she started wearing make-up,
that was my cue that four years later I could wear make-up. When she shaved her
legs, four years later, I got to shave mine, too. When she graduated from high school,
sure enough, four years later, I did, too. And now she was getting married.
Where was the appropriate reaction of enthusiasm and glee from the younger
sister, thrilled to be in a wedding party celebrating their union? Where was the envy
and joyful suggestions appropriate for a wedding announcement? To Becky's
disappointment, I could muster none of these reactions. I was happy for her, of
course. Her fiance was a wonderful man who'd already received my stamp of
approval. They would have a secure future together, they were emotionally
supportive of each other, they'd had plenty of ups and downs to constitute a decent
trial run ... and yet the thought terrified me.
Days later, though still having difficulty with the idea, I began taking a more
objective look at things. Becky had always wanted to get married. She'd been
voicing her desire to settle down and raise a family for a few years, but I hadn't really
taken her seriously. Eventually it occurred to me why. I have no desire to get
married. Not only do I not see such a big step in my immediate future, I don't see a
wedding in my future at all. If and when I find a lifelong companion, why on earth
would I need a marriage contract to verify that commitment and hold us together?
How was it that my only sister, born just a few years before me, raised in the same
environment, and having so much influence over my own upbringing, could have
such a fundamentally different outlook on marriage? With a combination of curiosity
and desire to ease my misgivings about the whole situation, I began to do some
informal interviewing among my friends. Were Becky's marital aspirations
commonplace among the rest of my peers or did some favor my own opinions on
marriage? What I found interested me exceedingly, and provided the inspiration for
this project. Neither Becky's views nor my own were part of a majority among the
young women I spoke to. Each person I asked had a unique attitude towards marriage
and often they varied quite a lot in their reasons for feeling the way they did, as well
as in their expectations concerning marriage.
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iv, 158 p.
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