Beaks, Teeth, Poison

KCollege.Access.ContactIf you are not a current Kalamazoo College student, faculty, or staff member, email dspace@kzoo.edu to request access to this thesis.
dc.contributor.advisorSeuss, Diane, 1956-
dc.contributor.authorRitsema, Sophie
dc.date.accessioned2013-01-07T21:26:40Z
dc.date.available2013-01-07T21:26:40Z
dc.date.issued2012
dc.descriptionx, 40 p.en_US
dc.description.abstractWriting, in a way, is a dissociative process. It is a dialogue between myself and the page, on which I write only part of what I think. Sometimes my fingers are paralyzed by a voice commanding that everything I write is shit, censoring my thoughts at the gateway of my mind when they try to exit. This is my biggest obstacle. Often I avoided writing for anticipation of this berating, shaming voice, which has been with me since childhood. It is a sort of demented superego that became particularly vocal around age eight. I have been building up a counter-force that sometimes triumphs, composed of logic and urgent exasperation. This is the speaker in the affirmation section. A part of me loves myself. The other, older part harbors fury, hatred, violence and blame. I am still trying to figure out what this has to do with poetry: my mom gave me the love I needed to survive, but she died before I was able to internalize it. Even if my poems are awful, I had the strength and courage to write them, which is something most people are not able to appreciate. I wanted to do a writing SIP because I thought it would help me grow as a person. I certainly underestimated the difficulty of this. Along the journey I have regretted choosing and English SIP-I could have done a better job in the psychology department, and if my work had been empirical and removed, it could have served as a coping mechanism instead of something I needed help coping with. Simplified, the distinction comes down to thinking versus feeling. Feeling takes more courage.en_US
dc.format.mimetypeapplication/pdf
dc.identifier.urihttp://hdl.handle.net/10920/28163
dc.language.isoen_USen_US
dc.relation.ispartofKalamazoo College English Senior Individualized Projects Collection
dc.relation.ispartofseriesSenior Individualized Projects. English.;
dc.rightsU.S. copyright laws protect this material. Commercial use or distribution of this material is not permitted without prior written permission of the copyright holder. All rights reserved.
dc.titleBeaks, Teeth, Poisonen_US
dc.typeThesisen_US
Files